The Fight

With well-wishers pouring their concerns in, I felt more ill than I really was. Their thoughtful comments defied by the lack of hope in their eyes, left me feeling miserable. Before I had even decided to put up a fight, everybody had already given up. What is tha they say about a batlle being lost for the lack of a will to win?

I was fighting an unknown enemy. Nobody could have claimed either experience or expertise to guide me in my battle to stay alive. All my doctor said was, "to fight cancer you really really have to want to stay alive. You have to want to win and want it so bad, that you make a friend of your foe. Do you want to live?"

I said no. I said I did not want to live tethered to the bed with unseen bonds. I did not want to live a life of dependency. I did not want to depend on people, or science or medicine. I did not want to wake up every morning, grateful that I am alive, but depressed at the existence I call my life. No I really did not want to win this war. I wanted to give in and put an end to it. The sooner the better.

He said his biggest enemy was me. He said he would not give up on me. He said he so badly wanted me to live a normal life again, that he would make me want it too. He would make me want to live. And together we had no choice, but to win.

My doctor. He made me come alive.