The Beginning

Its been a really long time. I think I am tired of fighting a lone battle. I have been alone not because nobody wanted to be by my side, but because I did not want to cause anybody more grief than I already must have. But then yes, admittedly, I am tired of fighting a lone battle.

What began as stomach crams developed so rapidly into an ovarian cancer, that I didnt quite get the time to think. But I made up my mind to brave it out alone. Little did I realise then, the bliss of someone holding your hand. The reassuring touch of someone who really cares, is often more effective than the best medicines.

I remember days when I was sitting at my desk in office and I would suddenly get this horrid pain in my stomach. Quite often I would stop mid-sentence and clench my teeth, willing the pain to go away. It felt as if a thousand bees were stinging my stomach from the inside and I couldnt even shoo them away. For three days I pushed visiting the gyn in the hope that the pains would pass away.

When they only intensified I did go to her for a 'friendly' visit.

I was sitting in the cold waiting room of a diagnostic clinic waiting for the doctor to give her verdict on reviewing my pathological results. You know what they say about women right? They have a gut feeling, a premonition about things. I had one of those, I just knew something was wrong.

"Have you heard of a laparoscopy?" she asked me.

I had heard of it, but I couldnt seem to recollect what it was. She then told me that she wanted to get a tissue sample by a process called colonoscopy and have it tested for cancer. My ultrasound did show a development of a tumor what left to be seen was whether the tumor was benign or malignant.

I dont know what was the first thought to cross my mind, but I do know one thought that zinged through my brain was - this is not happening to me....